Why I Quit "Healthy Eating" for 5 Years (And What I Learned About True Freedom)
My journey from rigid control to complete abandon to finding the middle ground
Your phone buzzes with a text from your best friend: "Dinner Friday? That new place we've been wanting to try?"
Your heart jumps with excitement. You've been looking forward to catching up, and you've both been talking about this restaurant for weeks.
But within seconds, that excitement transforms into something else entirely: anxiety.
Not about seeing your friend. Not about the restaurant itself.
About what dinner out might do to your carefully controlled routine.
The familiar spiral begins:
"I won't be able to track my calories accurately"
"What if there are no healthy options?"
"This could completely derail my progress"
"I'll probably feel awful about myself all weekend"
So you decline. Again.
"So sorry! This week is absolutely insane. Can we raincheck?"
That was my reality for years. Until one day, I had an awakening that changed the entire trajectory of my life.
The Breaking Point
I was sitting in my apartment on a Friday night, meal prepped containers perfectly arranged in my fridge, workout clothes laid out for the next morning, and my food tracking app updated with every macro calculated to the gram.
My friends were out celebrating a birthday. I'd declined the invitation, of course, because it didn't fit my eating schedule.
As I sat there alone with my perfectly portioned dinner, I had a moment of devastating clarity: I wasn't living my life. I was managing it.
Every decision revolved around food rules. Every social interaction was filtered through the lens of whether it would disrupt my eating plan. Every ounce of spontaneity had been squeezed out of my existence in pursuit of the "perfect" body.
That night, I made a decision that shocked everyone who knew me, including myself.
I quit. Completely.
The Great Experiment: Five Years of Food Freedom
Not gradually. Not with a "balanced approach." I went cold turkey on everything I'd been doing.
No more tracking. No more meal prep. No more "good" and "bad" foods. No more anxiety about restaurants or social events.
For five entire years, I swung to the complete opposite extreme.
I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, without any consideration for nutrition or how it made my body feel. I said yes to every dinner invitation, every spontaneous ice cream run, every late-night pizza order.
And you know what? For the first time in years, I felt genuinely free.
I rediscovered the joy of sharing meals with friends without anxiety. I traveled without packing protein powder and researching restaurant menus in advance. I stopped declining invitations and started living spontaneously again.
What I Gained
Those five years taught me invaluable lessons:
Food is meant to be enjoyed, not feared. The anxiety I'd built around eating wasn't protecting me, it was imprisoning me.
My worth isn't determined by my food choices. I was still a good person, a loving friend, and a valuable human being regardless of what I ate.
Social connection matters more than perfect nutrition or getting to the gym every single day. The relationships I'd been sacrificing for dietary control were actually more important for my overall wellbeing.
My body is more resilient than I thought. Despite my fears, eating intuitively for years didn't destroy my health or make me gain massive amounts of weight.
What I Lost
But here's the thing about extremes, they're not sustainable in either direction.
After five years of complete food freedom, I started noticing some things:
My energy was inconsistent. Without any attention to nutrition, I'd have great days followed by sluggish ones.
I missed feeling strong. I'd stopped exercising entirely during this period, and I genuinely missed the feeling of physical capability.
My body didn't feel optimal. While I hadn't gained as much weight as I feared, I also didn't feel as vibrant as I remembered feeling when I was more intentional about nutrition.
I'd lost some body awareness. Years of not paying attention to how foods affected me meant I'd stopped noticing important signals from my body.
The Return: Finding My Middle Ground
Around year five, I realized I was ready for something different. Not a return to the rigid control of my past, but not the complete abandon I'd been living in either.
I was ready to find my middle ground.
This wasn't about rules or restrictions. It was about conscious choices. It was about caring for my body not from a place of fear or control, but from a place of love and respect.
What the Middle Ground Looks Like
Flexible structure: I have general patterns I follow most of the time, but I can deviate without anxiety when life calls for it.
Intuitive awareness: I pay attention to how foods make me feel, but I don't judge myself for my choices.
Social freedom: I say yes to dinner invitations and enjoy the experience without guilt or stress.
Body respect: I move my body because it feels good, not because I have to earn my food or burn off calories.
Present-moment decisions: Instead of following rigid rules, I make choices based on what feels right for my body and my life in this moment.
Permission to change: My approach evolves based on what's happening in my life, my stress levels, my schedule, and my needs.
As research from Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch on Intuitive Eating shows, this flexible, non-diet approach often leads to better long-term health outcomes than rigid dietary control.
The Wisdom of Extremes
Looking back, I don't regret either extreme. Both taught me essential lessons:
The rigid control phase taught me that I'm capable of discipline and commitment, but also showed me that perfectionism can become a prison.
The complete freedom phase taught me that food isn't the enemy and that I can trust my body's wisdom, but also showed me that some intentionality supports my wellbeing.
The middle ground has taught me that balance isn't a destination, it's a dynamic, ever-evolving practice.
What I Wish I'd Known Sooner
If I could go back and tell my rigidly-controlled past self one thing, it would be this: You don't have to choose between caring for your body and living your life.
The middle ground isn't about finding the perfect balance and maintaining it forever. It's about developing the skills to navigate the space between extremes with flexibility, self-compassion, and trust.
Some days, I eat in a way that makes my body feel amazing. Other days, I prioritize connection and joy over optimal nutrition. Most days, I find a way to honor both.
And that's exactly how it should be.
Finding Your Own Middle Ground
If you're caught in either extreme, rigid control or complete abandon, know that there's a third option. Here's how to start exploring it:
From Rigid Control
Start small: Give yourself permission to be imperfect in low-stakes situations. Order something different at a restaurant. Try a new recipe without calculating calories.
Practice flexibility: Build planned "flex meals" into your week where you don't track or control your choices.
Reconnect socially: Say yes to one social invitation this week, even if it doesn't fit your usual eating plan.
From Complete Abandon
Gentle awareness: Start noticing how different foods make you feel without judging or changing anything initially.
Add movement: Incorporate gentle movement that feels good, not because you "should" but because you want to feel strong.
Slow introduction: Consider adding one structured element to your routine, like eating protein at breakfast, without overhauling everything.
For Everyone
Practice self-compassion: Remember that finding balance is a skill that takes time to develop.
Stay curious: Approach your relationship with food and your body with curiosity rather than judgment.
Seek support: Consider working with professionals who understand non-diet approaches to health.
As research from Dr. Kristin Neff on self-compassion demonstrates, being kind to yourself during this process actually accelerates positive change.
The Freedom I Found
Today, my relationship with food and my body looks nothing like either of my extremes. It's messy, imperfect, and constantly evolving, and that's exactly what makes it sustainable.
I can enjoy dinner with friends without anxiety. I can nourish my body without obsession. I can travel without stress. I can celebrate without guilt.
This is what true freedom looks like: not the absence of all structure, but the presence of choice. Not perfection, but flexibility. Not control, but trust.
The dinner invitation from your best friend? It's not a threat to your health or your progress. It's an opportunity to practice living a full, connected life while still caring for your body.
And that practice, that dynamic dance between structure and freedom, is where real health lives.
Coach Megann helps women navigate the space between rigid control and complete abandon to find their own sustainable middle ground. Ready to explore what balance looks like for you? Contact me to learn more about creating a relationship with food and your body that supports your whole life.
